Something I Never Had
by sephtenshi19
Summary: So finally I got to upload the request of Carol, sorry it took me too long to upload it. "I just want to say that he's happy now, with me. I know that it hurts you to see him with me when clearly you love him."


**Author's Note: So this was a request Carol asked me to do. (Yes, I accept requests now, to know more about it you can go to my profile) Basically it's about Addison being jealous that Alex has another girl. Anyway, I apologize for the very late post. FF cannot be accessed properly here in our desktop ( and I don't know why) so that's why I have to go to my mom's office to post/update my stories. And on top of that, exam week already started so I have to focus on my studies too. But I'll try to update as soon as I can for my other stories; I'll try my very best to at least update once a month. **** Go on, you can read now! Sorry about my rants, hehe.  


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_"Some day I just keep pretending_

_That you'll stay dreaming of a diffrent ending_

_I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad_

_And I can't keep something that I never had."_

_~ Something I Never Had by Lindsay Lohan ~_

"Oh, there you are Dr. Montgomery. I need to talk to you," said Alex, grabbing the redhead's arm despite her protests.

"Karev, what the hell do you think you're doing?" screeched Addison when they were inside the supply closet.

"Look, you kissed me last night and you've been avoiding me and I get to be stuck with Sloan who doesn't even let me do anything medical! He orders me to get his coffee, food and dry cleaning. That's all I've been doing the whole day and that's because you're avoiding me. Stop avoiding me, so I can get a surgery!" gritted Alex.

"We kissed, that's all. It doesn't have to happen again, okay," the intern said.

"Okay," responded the very much shocked redhead.

As Alex was about to open the door, he turned around and grabbed Addison's right arm, pulling her to him.

"Alex, what the-"

Addison was interrupted by Alex' lips on her, she tried to resist him but she seemingly cannot pull away. When air became an issue, Alex pulled away and looked directly at Addison's blue eyes.

"It doesn't have to be, if you don't want to. But for me, I do want it to happen again. I like you Addison Forbes Montgomery, there I said it. I like you and it should scare the hell out of me because I don't do relationships and even if I do, I screw it up, but with you I don't care. I'm taking a risk, because I like you a lot. And I'm warning you already, I might screw it up but there's a big chance I won't, I mean I don't ever want to hurt you Addison," explained Alex, holding on to the redhead's waist, looking deeply at her ocean blue eyes.

When Alex finished talking, Addison was close to tears and she wanted to kiss him again, hug him and never let go, and say yes. But it's not what came out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry Alex, but I can't. I don't want to get hurt again, I'm really sorry," muttered Addison.

Alex pulled away when he heard what his attending told him, it hurt him to even not have a chance but what hurts the most was that Addison expected she's going to get hurt, like she doesn't trust him enough to make her realize he's different now from what she's been hearing to people.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," gritted Alex, putting his walls back up.

Addison was about to say sorry again but Alex walked out of the closet which made her realize what she did, which made her cry like a baby.

After that encounter, Alex avoided Addison like plague. He intended to stay in Sloan's service even though he doesn't get to assist even a single surgery. While for Addison, she tried talking to him and even asking Bailey if she can get Karev as an intern.

"Really, Karev?" Miranda asked her friend, raising an eyebrow.

Bailey was about to assign him to her service but Alex declined saying he made a deal with Sloan that he'll stay on his service for a week, and he'll be able to scrub in on a surgery of his. When Addison heard this, she was disappointed that Alex was really upset with her.

Bailey and Callie saw how depressed Addison has been the past few days, so they decided to have a girl's night out. They went to Joe's and ordered their drinks, and went to sit on a booth at the back.

"So what's going on with you? You've been like moping around for days now," asked Callie.

"Nothing, I'm just tired of work that's all,"

"Really? This doesn't have to do anything with an intern of mine, right? A certain intern named, Alex Karev?" asked Miranda.

When the name 'Alex Karev' was mentioned, Addison looked down on her glass and suddenly seemed she has a world of her own. Her two friends noticed her sudden change of mood and asked her again what's wrong.

"I did something stupid," started Addison.

"We always do something stupid, I mean look at me, I slept with Sloan when I just broke up with my ex-boyfriend. I mean, don't get me wrong Mark has a very nice body but he's just so arrogant," said Callie.

Callie was about to go on again when she saw Miranda glaring at her, which clearly meant that it's not the time to talk about her stupidity.

"Ehem, right. But back to you, what did you do anyway?" asked Callie.

"I kissed Alex a few weeks ago and then the day after we kissed I avoided him, but then he found me and cornered me in a supply closet,"

"Please tell me the two of you didn't have sex. Why does it always have to be my intern?," muttered Miranda.

"No, we didn't have sex but I think what happened was worse than the two of us having sex. When he cornered me, he told me he wants to be back on my service because Mark is making him do nothing which annoys him. He told me that the kiss doesn't have to happen again, so we agreed to that. But he suddenly pulled me to him and kissed me, which I stupidly responded to. He then explained that he has feelings for me, and he asked for a chance, a real chance of him being with me," Addison paused and took a sip on her drink.

"Oh no, what did you tell him?" asked Callie.

"I told him no, and that I'm sorry. I tried to talk to him so many times after that but he just doesn't want to. I mean, I get that he has the right to be mad, but how long will he be mad at me?"

"I don't know how long, but that just tells you how much he cares for you," answered Miranda.

"I have no idea anymore on what I'm going to do. I'm such a screw up," cried Addison.

"Ssh, you're not Addie," comforted Callie.

"You like him, don't you? You will not be this depressed if you don't like him. I mean, hell you're even crying Addison!" said Miranda.

"Yeah, fine, I admit I like him, probably even love him. But I'm scared of getting hurt again. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get out of bed if I get hurt," explained Addison.

When that was revealed, Addison cried even more and of course her two friends comforted her.

Months passed after the encounter and Addison's revelation, and things were starting to look up. Alex doesn't turn around in hallways anymore when he sees her, he can also be alone in an elevator with her already. And more shock came to her, when he asked her if he can be on her service.

"Uhm, uh, sure, of course," stuttered Addison.

"Good, then, see you later Dr. Montgomery," smiled Alex in which Addison gladly returned.

Addison went to find Callie and Miranda for lunch to tell what happened between her and Alex. When she told them, they were shocked too.

"What does that mean? Does it mean he's over what happened in the supply closet?" asked Addison to her closest friends.

"Maybe, or maybe he just misses to be on your service," answered Callie.

"You're right, he probably had enough of Mark. But that's good right, we're talking now," smiled Addison.

"Look, I'm just saying this because you are my friend and I don't want to see you getting hurt, but don't be so optimistic or positive that Karev has still feelings for you," said Miranda to the smiling redhead.

"What? I'm not getting what you're saying,"

"It's been months Addison, how sure are you that he still likes you as he did months before?"

"I don't know. Wait, what do you know?"

"I have to go now, see you later," said Miranda then stood up.

Weeks gone by, Alex and Addison are now talking to each other and not just about medical stuff but really talking. Alex gives her coffee, goes in rounds with her with no complaints and even have lunch together. All of these were of course seen by Miranda and Callie, which worries the both of them. They're happy that their friend is now back to being happy but they're scared also that this might crush Addison more than what happened before, and what's worse is that Addison might probably thinking they're a couple but in reality they're not. So they decided to talk to Addison, but before they do that Miranda thought of confronting her intern first.

Rounds assignments were given to the interns and they headed to their own directions but Alex was left with Miranda.

"I need to talk to you, Karev," said Bailey.

"Okay. Wait, I'm not in some kind of trouble right? I mean, not to boast or anything but I'm doing pretty good even for my bedside manner," rambled Alex.

"It's not about that, Karev. What are you doing with Addison?"

"What?" asked the very confused Alex.

"We see the way the two of you have been very close, she told us what happened before. We saw the way you ignored her, the way the both of you got hurt and now we're seeing the two of you like you're a couple. Now, answer this Karev, not as my intern but as a friend of your rumored girlfriend, are you and Addison a couple?"

"No! I mean, she's a great teacher and person so that's why I do all those things. I mean, that's all, there's nothing more. And anyway, Izzie will kill me if I cheat on her," answered Alex.

"Wait, Izzie? You and Stevens are together, for how long?" asked the bewildered Bailey.

"Yeah, we've been together for about 3 months now," smiled Alex.

"Oh, okay then. But you need to clarify things with Addison, it will hurt her but the damage wouldn't be much once you tell her," explained Bailey.

"Okay then," sighed Alex.

That night, Alex and Addison had a critical patient that's why they stayed at the hospital. They were talking and having a late night snack in a deserted hallway in the hospital. Alex thought this was the perfect time to clarify things with Addison, but when he looked at her she suddenly kissed him.

"Work, huh? You asshole!" shouted Izzie to Alex.

"Damn it, wait Izz! Let me explain!" shouted Alex to Izzie who just walked away.

"Wait, what's happening?" asked the very confused Addison.

"I'll explain later," answered Alex leaving Addison sitting on the gurney.

The next day, Addison was heading to the cafeteria with Miranda and Callie when she suddenly saw Alex and Izzie. She was shocked to see them holding hands, and was hurt to see him look at Izzie so lovingly. She was confused when she saw Alex standing up in a table in the middle of the cafeteria, and the other interns sitting and laughing at him while Izzie was blushing. Her confusion was replaced by hurt the moment she heard Alex shouting to the whole cafeteria this:

"ISOBEL KATHERINE STEVENS I LOVE YOU!" shouted Alex, then looked downwards at his girlfriend.

Addison was torn into pieces from what she witnessed, she was about to break down and collapse when Callie suddenly pulled her out of the cafeteria while Miranda went to Alex and ask him to come with her.

Alex followed her and was confused on why they were headed to an on-call room but was shocked and guilty to find what was inside; a crying redhead attending of his being comforted by a black-haired Latina. When Callie saw who was at the door, she stood up and let the two of them sort everything out.

"I'm sorry you had to find it out like that,"

"I should have gotten an idea already from what happened last night, it's fine,"

"Okay then, if you said it's fine, I gotta go now," he was about to open the door but Addison shouted at him.

"Seriously? That's it, you're not going to explain anything?"

"What's to explain, Addison! You now know Izzie and I are together,"

"But you kept on bringing me food and coffee, and being so obedient,"

"Yeah, because I don't want to lose you at all, we didn't work as a couple or rather didn't even have a chance but it doesn't mean I don't want you as my friend. You're a great person, Addison and I'm sorry if you thought I was trying to make a move on you. And I'm even more sorry that what I'm about to say is probably gonna hurt you more but, I'm over you now Addison, I love Izzie now. Look, this is what you want from the first place right? Even if we did get together, we probably would never last because you never even trusted me and it hurts me to see that," explained Alex.

"I'm sorry for everything, Alex. Especially for hurting you so much," cried Addison.

"I'm sorry too, Addison," said Alex.

He kissed Addison on the cheek and went out of the closet. People talked about what happened between Alex and Addison and some even dared to ask but they never answered anyone. Days passed and Addison was still trying to grasp that Alex has now moved on, and it hurts her to see him with another woman, thinking that it's like Derek and Meredith all over again. But what Alex said was right, that having a partner that you can't even trust will be a big problem on a relationship. So everytime she sees the two of them, she tries her best to push the hurt aside, unfortunately it's not working. Now when she sees the two of them being cuddly, Alex kissing Izzie where he should be kissing her, Alex bringing flowers, chocolates, etc when it should be her he's bringing those things to, she runs as fast as she can to the nearest on call room and cry for something she never even had in the first place but she was supposed to have.

After crying for quite some time, Addison stood up and fixed her makeup when suddenly the door opened and saw Izzie.

"Hi, Dr. Montgomery," said Izzie.

"Stevens," nodded Addison.

"I just want to say that he's happy now, with me. I know that it hurts you to see him with me when clearly you love him, but you had your chance and you blew it. You don't get to be sorry and cry everytime you see the two of us together, because when I see you and Alex those times he was trying to be your friend it also hurt me. I trust him enough that I'm sure he won't do anything, but it hurts me to see why the hell he's trying to be your friend when you broke him. You broke him and I was the one who picked up the pieces to make him whole again. I was the one who saw him cry himself to sleep, get drunk, and trying to find someone to punch and if he can't he'll punch a wall. I'm the one who stood by his side when he was broken, I was the one who put him back to pieces, who is trying the very best to be the one who will keep that heart in one. So you don't get to ran off and cry your sorry heart out," ranted Izzie.

"I know I shouldn't feel that way, but as you said I had my chance and everytime I see the two of you, my mind thinks what if that was me with him and not you," cried Addison.

"You're a great person Dr. Montgomery but at some point you need to learn how to trust other people again,"

"Thank you, Izzie. You're a lucky woman to have Alex," smiled Addison.

"I know," smiled Izzie also.

Taking a last glance at her attending, she left Addison, not knowing it will be the last time she will see her in the hospital.h

'_They're right, I have to move on. And I think LA might probably good for me,' thought Addison.

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Oh, please do review guys! :D_


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